Conclave '97 Keynote Speech

The Way We See It!

By Toni and Glen
Social Directors, Club H

Good afternoon everyone! We hope you are having a wonderful time here as we are. We always look forward to coming to Conclave year after year and we would like to thank Mike LaCroix for asking us to speak this afternoon. We are by no means professional speakers, and to be honest, are a bit nervous, but we hope to capture your attention for just a few minutes with something we see as very important.

My name is Toni and this is my husband Glen. We have been married for 20 years, 18 of which included swinging. We have seen swinging evolve much over the years, from the days of the numerous rip off clubs, clubs who only see others as meat to be consumed, to the positive and forward moving way it is now. The first club we joined was not a positive experience. We paid lots of money, only to have them call and as me to come to a party alone because they had an overabundance of single men. While that may be an acceptable invitation to some, it was not what we were looking for! The only thing sadder is that there are still people who use others inexperience and desire to rip them off, use them, pressure, and even FORCE them to have sex with them, just because it is their club.

Although our first experience with swing clubs was not altogether positive, we still had the desire to meet others. We decided that we would start a newsletter, called Friendship Express, which at that time was a very small newsletter with a handwritten crooked cover... let's just say it looked home grown! From there, we decided that we would like to to make a place where swingers could feel comfortable and at ease. In essence, we wanted to provide the positive first swing experience that we were not able to have. So began Club H. A couples and Ladies only club, which first began with free house parties. Couples would bring a dish to share and provide their own liquor. We would provide a safe, sane and calm beginning, which I must admit, had the propensity to make for an extremely wild evening. At our house parties, we would have something called a "confessional". We would all sit on the floor in a circle, introduce ourselves and allow each couple a few minutes to elaborate on their experience, their desires and what they were interested in. That was nine years ago and today Club H is the largest club in the Upper Midwest doing monthly dances for couples and ladies.

Seeing the community evolve has been tremendous. We have met wonderful couples who are enjoying themselves, are more confident and are meeting and making friends... as well as boinking till they can't see straight. Swingers are coming out - they don't just hide in dank corners waiting for fresh meat (well at least most of them don't).

Because the lifestyle is soaring in popularity, this feeling is crossing borders not thought of before. Those that saw "swingers" as sleazy low lifers are seeing that they are your doctors, plumbers, secretaries, store clerks, lawyers, etc. The lifestyle is moving in a positive direction... Unfortunately, there are those who feel that the best society is an oppressed society. These sad individuals think that FORCED MONOGAMY will make us good citizens and fit into the current "Stepford" society. There is a movement is place all over the country to try to put us back in the "monogamous role", the unnatural, forced lifestyle of no emotions or desires... to make us fit their old, rusty and unrealistic pattern. This group does not want us to enjoy life the way it makes us happy, but it seeks to stifle anything thought to be different or out of the norm. We have a hope of a time when being a swinger does not sound alarms or ignite fear. It is something that cannot happen overnight, but we strongly feel it can happen. How can it happen? It is already beginning with you!!!

Look around.... Most of you that came to this wonderful convention have probably spent a great deal of time in warm embraces with the many old friends you have made from around the country. The anticipation of seeing old friends and making new ones is a large part of the lifestyle. Being in this wonderful way of life for 18 years, we are noticing that people are not ashamed of each other. We don't just call our friends on a Saturday night when our hormones are in high gear, we call them to see if their broken arm is mending, to see how the house painting job is going, and yes, to see if they want to play pokey, pokey!!!

We are emerging into a new era. An era that shows "Swingers" to be strong, intelligent people, in touch with their socio-sexual selves. Someone who can lead a board meeting on Monday morning, as well as suck you dry Saturday night, both with equal efficiency.

You have put this revolution into motion, by not accepting the stereotypes the so called straight people try to label you with. By working together, we are becoming more than just a group of vagabond swing groups running around in circles yelling "let's fuck". By coming to conventions, such as the ever popular Conclave, attending the many seminars, learning as well as loving, you are helping to close the gap that ignorance tries to peek though. Closing that gap of ignorance is the beginning of our vision. A vision of togetherness, a vision of support, a vision of community...

Glen: Thank you Toni! Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, it's great to be here. I sincerely would like to again thank Mike LaCroix for asking Toni and I to be the Keynote speakers here at Conclave. We'll humbly do our best to share with you our vision of the future; our vision of this lifestyle and the direction we should take.

One only has to look around this room to see evidence of a dynamic revolution taking place in the lifestyle today. It's a revolution in how swingers are evolving, changing and becoming a community.

Why are we becoming a community? First, let's define what a community is... Webster dictionary defines a community as "a unified body of individuals; an interacting population of various kinds of individuals; a group of people with common characteristics or interests living together within a larger society; a feeling of fellowship; a body of persons having common history or common social, economic and political interests.

Folks, we are becoming unified; look around you. This is unification. We are coming together for a common interest, not just to fuck, but to share, laugh, learn and yes... if the mood hits, do the wild thing. We are moving away from that label that this is just a "fuck club"; we are moving away from the philosophical concept that this is just "recreational sex". We are becoming a community!!!

Some of us call ourselves swingers, intimate friends, hedonists, swappers, lifestylers, etc. But you know what? It really doesn't matter what you call yourself. We are all a part of this movement. We all want more than just sex; we all want to become a community.

When we became active in swinging, we weren't unified; we weren't a lifestyle; we weren't a community. We were just a bunch of deviants, meeting secretly, having anonymous sex. Ashamed of ourselves, we would meet secretly, by word of mouth. Clubs would not try to advertise in straight papers. If the straight media got any information about a club, the club leaders would close the club up, run away, and go into hiding. We are no longer doing that. Evidence can bee seen that we are a community when Club Eros got raided a few years ago by the Canadian Authorities; the swing community not just in Canada, but all over the world, stood together, sent donations to Ron and Wendy (the club owners) to help defray their legal costs and guess what??? With your help and others, they WON, giving swingers in Canada the legal green light to exist. Not only did they win, but the vast majority of members stood with them, stayed in the club, and continued to come to parties. This my friends is unification, this my friends is empowerment, this my friends is a community. Because Ron and Wendy did not close up Club Eros, nor did their members run away... because they fought, and won, swing clubs are now popping up all over Canada. They have won the right to be viable.

There is other evidence that can be seen that we are no longer ashamed of ourselves, and we are no longer going to just take it lying down. Recently Elbert Poppell of Thad's Social Cub in San Diego decided he wasn't going to take anymore harassment and sued the city of San Diego in Federal Court charging "malicious prosecution, harassment and violations of the right to run a business" and guess what??? a jury agreed and awarded them $200,000. That my friends is empowerment, that my friends is unification, that my friends is becoming a community. We must, when wronged, fight for our rights and YOU the members of the clubs must stick with your club. We must not go back; we must continue to solidify our community.

This is only the tip of the iceberg. Other swingers organizations are openly and secretly fighting for their rights. For example, when Connection Magazines thought that the new "Record Keeping Law" was wrong, they sued the Federal Government. Why did they do it? Because of YOU!!! You have given them the courage to fight for our right to exist; our right to advertise; our right to express ourselves without undue regulations by the government. By buying their magazines, you have made them economically resourceful; by buying their products YOU have given them the power that they need to fight back. That my friends is a community; that my friends is "having common social, economic and political interests".

God, I could keep going on, but I will stop with this next example of what a community is and how wonderful YOU, the members of this wonderful lifestyle are. About one year ago, a club in Minneapolis was visited by a well known print media. The owners of the club cooperated as much as possible. Little did they know that the reporter was almost directly responsible for the closing of another large swinger's club ten years earlier. The reporter wrote a biased article about the club; they told everything about the club owners; their names; the name of their clubs; that they live in the suburbs; drove a jeep, etc. Yes they even told that they were Black. Yes, that article was about us!!! What he was trying to do was embarrass us, and our members; to pressure us into closing and guess what??? Our sophisticated members saw right though it; stayed with us and a year later we are stronger and larger than ever. That my friends is empowerment, that my friends is a community. No longer can we let the "straight" world dictate our longevity.

Because we are becoming a community, and our lifestyle is expanding, we are under close scrutiny from those who don't agree with us; we can no longer get away with things that we used to get away with. Yes, what we can do at our parties will vary by YOUR state and local laws. We must, like the Gay and Lesbian community make some sacrifices. What sacrifices am I talking about??? We must de-emphasize sex; we must insist that our members abide by the laws as it pertains to liquor, zoning, health codes, etc. If a straight bar and/or dance club cannot do it, we cannot do it ourselves. Our community MUST prove to the authorities that we are a viable community, capable of operating within the law. We must, like the Gay and Lesbian community operate bars and night clubs where like-minded people come together to share, laugh, mingle, pickup each other, but take the sex somewhere else. We must, like the Gay and Lesbian community in most parts of the country sacrifice the "bath houses". I know that some of you won't like it; but we must not let our enemies push us backwards and find weaknesses. We must say to those that are operating illegally that it is wrong. It is only jeopardizing their members. What do I mean? Well, for example: if a swingers club is operating in a residential area, an area zoned residential, not business, we as a community must tell them that it is wrong. We must clean our own houses, or else the authorities will do it for us and show that particular club/organization that they busted as being representative of us all. If we believe a law is wrong, then we must take the offensive strike and challenge that law in court.

Since we are fostering a sense of community, we must move ahead, taking careful, lawful and bold steps. We must follow the paradigm of the Gay/Lesbian community; de-emphasize sex; bring like-minded people together to laugh, to talk, to share, to dance, to be each others friends, and if so desired, screw our brains out in private.

I could keep going folks, but just remember this: You're part of a revolution, you're part of a movement. You and the people around you, are like the Pilgrims, coming to a New Land. It's currently unchartered, but we do have a model to follow. Let's follow that model, empower ourselves, become economically and politically viable... only then, can we change the law. Thank you!