You and your mate, spouse or significant other have talked about joining a group of other people in the lifestyle. It seemed the easiest and safest way to meet others who shared our philosophy of Hedonism.
I am sure that you, like I, had tried the personal ads in various forms of news print or magazines. You found an ad that appealed to both of you and you replied and met the advertisers. They were totally the opposite of who they said they were. The mail was "gung-ho" and the female was "not sure". Or vice versa. You are both disappointed and annoyed at this deception.
You see the ad for a club, group or social gathering in one of the quarterly magazines. Again, you talk it out between the two of you and decide that this could be better than answering the ads. You send in the registration for the date of the party. You receive a letter that you are pre-registered and that they are looking forward to meeting you at the dance.
When we received our reply, we were both excited about the possibility of meeting other people with the same philosophy of our chosen lifestyle.
Finally, the date of the dance arrives, both of you are trying to decided on what to wear. Do I dress as I would for a normal evening out, or do I dress more provocatively. Do I wear a dress or suit coat or will jeans or a shirt be acceptable. We decided to dress as we normally would for a night out dancing.
The drive to the location of the dance or party is spared with lively conversation and speculation along with a healthy dose of anxiety. Will we be accepted for who we are? Does our physical appearance look all right? What are the ground rules for the dance or party? How are we supposed to act when dancing with a different partner? Do some of you remember these feelings? I do!!!
You arrive at the location, hear the orientation for the new couples, read the hand out, etc., but you still have questions and fears, not all of you questions have been answered. The anxiety is still there. You talk with some of the other new couples at your table, but they seem to be as nervous and shy as you are.
The dance begins with other members of the club arriving, the social hour has commenced. This is the time when we are to "mingle".
There is only one problem. We do not know anyone and the regular members are breaking off into their groups they have formed.
I know, I should get up from my table with my partner and introduce ourselves to these groups. We did. However, we felt as if we were intruding upon these groups. I felt like I was back in high school again and didn't belong to the "clique". Instead of welcoming a new couple or single, we initially felt shunned. There were a few exceptions to this rule, but few.
The people who were assigned the task of making us welcome did their very best, but they too have friends whom they want to talk to, dance and share experiences with. They cannot be expected to "babysit" new couples throughout the dance or night.
I guess what I am trying to say is THINK BACK TO YOUR OWN FIRST DANCE, when you were one of the new couples. Perhaps you weren't nervous as we were, but there may have been more of you who joined that same night who were.
Our club is only as good as each of its members. Make the new people feel welcome, spend some time with a new couple, find out what they like to do to have "fun" .
You just might be surprised, they could become an exciting new addition to your group. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE???
By Paul and Jacqueline of Club H
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